The one that doesn't exist. Sarcasm, people. Calm down. Its a joke.
Feel free to judge me as I tell you the following story.
I have a roommate. A roommate that gets a lot more action than me. A little surprisingly, to add. She's got some kind of way with guys that just draws them to her and gets them to make out with her. We'll refer to her as Andi.
Anyways. Sometimes these skills come in handy. I don't always have to play wingman to her, you know. Every now and then things pan out for me too.
A week or so ago, on a Thursday night, I've just come back from a date. I saw the movie 'Inception' with a boy from a class I'm in. Great Movie by the way. The date, ehh, it certainly wasn't bad.
Andi comes into the apartment around midnight, about half an hour after I've gotten back. I'm brushing my teeth at the sink in the hallway bathroom, and she stops in front of me, her eyes bright.
"Hey, Tacey! I've just met these baseball players at a diner downtown. They asked for my number, then they invited me to go to their hotel just now. Do you want to come?"
As an almost afterthought, she added quickly, "They're buff and super attractive."
I stood there for a second, thinking it over in my head, my toothbrush hanging out of my mouth.
"..... Hells yeah! Okay, sure, why not."
I brushed my hair and slapped some lipgloss on, then she and I headed over to the hotel.
So you're probably judging me by now. And thats cool. In retrospect, it sounds pretty dang shady to do. The whole, 'going to a stranger's hotel room in the middle of the night' thing, that is.
Well, part of me wanted to go with Andi, out of feeling of being protective of her. She doesn't have the best judgement sometimes, and I know there are certain things she will and won't do while I'm around. And I could tell she was slightly nervous too, but wanted to go anyways. Safety in numbers, you know?
So we go to their hotel, and head up to their room number. There I meet three minor league baseball players-- two Cubans (brothers, actually) and a Dominican who speaks little English. We'll call them Danny, Mario, and Tino, respectively.
Well, Danny and Andi have obviously hit it off. We all are hanging out together, but he and she somehow or another end up on his bed as we have the movie 'The Hangover' on TV. Not surprisingly, they're making out at one point. Eventually, Mario leaves to go sleep in a quieter room, since it was apparent that we weren't going to be quiet any time soon.
This all goes on for a while. The entire time that i goes on for, Tino is hitting on me, hard. He compliments me, talks to me in Spanish, tells me that the fact that I understand it and speak it makes me "particularly beautiful." (I'm part Mexican and fluent in it.) I more or less reject him, humoring him every now and then, letting him dance with me a bit, but not really letting him get anywhere.
Eventually, Andi decides its time to leave, since its getting to be around 2:30 in the morning, so she gets up and she and Danny run around the corner to the front of the room door. I get up and Tino gets up too. We stand there for a second, giving them a little time to get all the mackin out of their system. After a moment, he gets up really close next to me, and to my own surprise, I don't move away. He puts the moves on again, brushing his hand up and down my arm, and asks when he's going to see me again. I tell him maybe later, since we had plans to go to their game the next night (Free Tickets, Holla.) He gives me a "Hmm." Then he suddenly pulls me close to him and says thoughtfully, "Tienes una boca linda," meaning, "You have a beautiful mouth."
Here's the thing. I am a sucker for sweet talk, no matter how transparent or cheesy or stupid it is. So, after about half a second of considering my options, I decide to give in.
Annnnnnd then we were making out.
You know. It happens sometimes.
We only make out for about ten minutes or so. Andi later told me that she and Danny were peeking around the corner laughing at us. Eh, Whatever. Haha.
So she and I go to their baseball game the next night, which they lost. But it was still fun. At one point practically half the team poked their heads out from under the dugout, above which we were sitting, and stared at us for a moment as Tino and Danny pointed us out. Literally, pointed. It was partially embarrassing, but eh, what're you gonna do. It was funny when the coach ended up taking a peek at us, and giving us a wave and shake of the head as Danny laughed behind him.
Later that night, a few hours after the game, we go back to their hotel, since they're leaving the next day. She and Danny get back to business, making out on the bed, and after a lovely awkward 15 minutes or so, Tino comes in and pulls me out of the room. Andi laughs at me and tells me to text her if I need her.
Tino takes me into his hotel room, saying he wants me to meet his roommate. The roommate in question is laying in bed already, and gives me a quick smile and "Hello." Tino says to him, "See, I told you she was beautiful, right?" and he nods with a smile as I give an "Aw, shucks." After a moment, the roommate promptly rolls over and goes to sleep.
Tino and I are watching a movie on his laptop on the bed. Somehow, we end up shifting and our heads are on the pillows. Of course, this leads to making out. The kissing is alright, he's a pretty good kisser. Honestly, I'd never kissed a black guy before, and let me tell you, they have huge lips. Not that thats a bad thing! Just an observation. Its an interesting sensation, really. So we're kissing, and somehow or another he ends up on top of me. I guess I saw it coming. I mean, we were on a bed after all. There's not a whole lot of positions to make out in whilst on a bed.
Something strange-- At one point, he decided it would be fun to stick his tongue in my ear. Literally in my ear. Now I've done my fair share of making out, and have never experienced that before. Its very strange. I honestly just don't get the appeal of it. Whats so sexual about the ear? Does it taste good or something?? I just don't understand. But whatever. It was just odd I guess.
We keep making out for about 45 minutes. I forced myself out of there at one point. The situation was just... going downhill. I realized this when I noticed, as he was on top of me, that he actually had... gotten a little excited. You know what I mean? It was not good for me to be in in general. Things were going in a bad direction in general. If I hadn't pulled out of there when I did, bad things would have happened.
So basically now I have a dilemma. I'm attempting to decide whether or not I need to talk to my bishop about it. Now don't have an aneurysm. We didn't have sex of any kind. No genitalia made any appearances in the open air. But I am still trying t decide whether or not I feel guilty about it.
I guess my problem is, Should I feel guilty? I know what went on was bad, but I'm having difficulty trying to determine... if I have sinned? I don't exactly know how to word this I guess. I don't know. I'm giving it about another week and then I'll see how I feel.
Don't worry, I'm praying about it, etc etc. Its not the hugest deal to me, just something that kind of has been sitting in the back of my head. I don't feel unworthy to do anything, you know? I don't feel like its upsetting my everyday life or anything. I'm just not sure. Eh, I will give it time and see what I think.